Friday, December 12, 2008

What do you want for Christmas?

An Oregon man jumped off the Glenn Jackson bridge falling to his squishy floaty death 100 feet below.

No he didn't Apparently Glenn Jackson was an Indian giver. The man survived the fall and began slowly slipping into a coma due to hypothermia.

Unfortunately for the man his car was found on the bridge and rescue workers plucked him from the water before he lost consciousness.

All he wanted was to check out with some dignity and have his frozen, bloated, mangled body found down river by some poor bastard, probably a retarded child playing near the dangerous banks of the river.

The rescuers then went about patting themselves on the back reveling in the heroism and the early Christmas gift they had given the man and his family. Their gift was I'm sure received with great savor like a pair of ugly socks.

There was some kind of Holiday boating festival going on in the river which explains the rapid appearance of the rescue boats.

Dude, next time aim for one of the boats! He'll probably go home, put on a Santa suit and blow his brains all over the Christmas tree.

Yep, thanks for the save rescue guys!
Here is a dude whom got started in the right direction and froze under pressure. He then accidently slipped thereby finishing the job.
(Turn down your speakers it has music)


Vegetable Assassin said...

I always think if you want to kill yourself get a big fuck-off sized shotgun and put it in your mouth because all other methods are hazardous to the outcome. Like jumping off tall buildings or bridges. It's stupid because what happens if you have an epiphany 1 second after you make the jump and decide you want to live after all? You're fucked, that's what happens. Either use a gun so it's instant and there's no time for second thoughts or take some pills where you have some time to counteract your stupid decision. Jumping off stuff is for people who haven't thought it through.

Yes I AM planning on taking up a career in psychiatry, how did you guess? Uh not.

Dog Breath said...

Did you watch the video at the end?

I'm thinking that guy was doing some pondering on the way down.

"Well I'm getting the attention I wanted but not for as long as I wanted".

~E said...

I actually think those socks look warm and cozy. I wouldn't mind getting them for Christmas.

Oh and another thing. That dude is stupid as this guy I heard about who broke into someone's house with the intent of burglarizing it by crawling thru a kitchen window. Whereupon he tripped on the window frame and fell on a knife in the sink thereby puncturing an artery. He was found bled to death like a week later when the owners came home from vacation.

Some people just deserve it you know?

Dog Breath said...

And the dead guy's family probably sued the home owners for having a knife near a window.