Friday, December 19, 2008

The taste test




Everybody loves those comparison tests they do in commercials. After many many taste tests, they are finally running out of ideas. Wellll O'l Dog Breath has a few suggestions that might help out.

1. While Mr Homeless is sleeping we are attaching the virtual reality helmet and uploading the simulation. WAKE UP Mr Homeless! Habitat for Homeless has built you this brand new house! Look a fully stocked fridge, pantry, wardrobe, and huge bar! Mr Homeless "What? What I won? Um I what? Holy shit it's mine? Free?...". [Whips off helmet] No sorry it's the new Hazbrow VR300 helmet. How do you like it?

2. We are replacing this patient's brain cancer medication with Ibuprofen X 300. Let's see if he can tell the difference. How do you feel Sir? "I feel fine! I can't feel the tumor at all. Is it supposed to work this fa...". See it works better than cancer medicine!

3. Here we are at Alamo pass maximum security prison and we are swapping this inmate's last meal from the steak and potatoes meal he requested with this Whopper and fries. Let's see which he prefers. Here's you meal! "What the fuck is this?" It's your last meal! "I don't want that shit" [pound pound slap crunch]. Stop the camera...

4. We're here at Mercy Hospital emergency ward. We are going to replace this patient's IV with AIDS infected blood. Let's see if he can tell the difference. Holy crap he can't tell a thing...

5. At the Travel Channel we are interested in testing the quality of our vacation destinations. We are rerouting this couple's ski vacation flight from Aspen Colorado to Northern Siberia. Let's see if they notice...

6. ESPN sports channel presents the SCUBA Diving Summer nationals. In this event, Steve, the diver must conserve oxygen and stay submerged longer that his competitors. They will do simple tasks to test coordination and dexterity. We have replaced their oxygen tanks with cylinders of Diet Pepsi. This should really spice up the competition this year!

7. We are replacing this teenage babysitter with a convicted rapist...

8. Explody fireworks here! We are at the Clark County Fair. We have distributed some samples of our newest bottle rockets, fire crackers and smoke bombs to the crowd. We have also given some of the participants live hand grenades, bazookas and mustard gas. Let's see if they can tell the difference.

9. Here in sunny Florida our visitors work up a serious thirst. We are doing a blind taste test with this octogenarian. In cup A we have Minute Maid pink lemonade. In cup B we have homemade lemonade. In cup C we have a mixture of lemon juice and Etheline Glycol antifreeze with a bit of added sugar to hide the taste. Let's see if She can guess which one is home made.

10. To prove how mild and calming Preparation H is we have replaced this Man's cream with Japanese Wasabi paste. Let's see....

6 comments:

Vegetable Assassin said...

Dude. Where the HELL did you find those pictures? I am dying here.

Then I read number 7 and passed out cold from snorting too hard and rupturing something.

~E said...

I love the picture with the dog.

I mean I really LLOOOOOVEEE it.

I wonder where I can rent a dog...

Dog Breath said...

Veggie, you are a sick bastard which is tough since you are supposed to be female.

You rock, apparently.

~E, Yep, the dog pic is fabulous. It's only dirty if you are a pervert which is why it's so perfect. I am strong with the perverted side of the force.

Poobomber said...

Where the hell are ya man? This has all sorts of potential!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm kind of thinking you really need to update this thing, you lazy ass. :)

Being Brazen said...

LOL

Thanks for stopping by my blog. The 3D movie I went to see was My Bloody Valentine - really fun. I dont even like horrors, but in 3D it was awesome.